Happy December! I love
this time of year…it fills me with peace, joy and a sense of gratitude. I know
many people dread the holidays and find it sad and lonely: drudgery. I
recognize that it is a challenge for many and my heart goes out to them. I am
blessed to have faith, to believe in the birth of Christ, and find myself
reflecting on the enormity of being alive to witness the beauty of soft white
lights while listening to old Christmas songs, making sure I focus on noticing
(despite all the commercialism) that there are still gracious givers spreading
joy and good deeds to those less fortunate.
As a child, Christmas
was always full of wonder. I loved going to church Christmas Eve; listening to
the bell choir and singing Silent Night in a candle lit sanctuary. Even as a
small child, I felt the reverence of the night and understood its meaning. Mom
and dad did a great job keeping Santa alive for me, despite my older sister
insisting that he wasn’t real. After I’d climb into bed, dad would go outside
and make “hoof” marks in the snow so that when I woke up and threw open the
curtains at 6:00 AM, I would know that Santa had come (we didn’t have a chimney
so he was allowed to come through the front door while we slept). I would have
to wait until 6:30 AM, no matter what, to call Grandma and Grandpa to come
over. I would practically burst with excitement waiting for them to throw on mismatched
clothes and drive the mile and a half to our house. Mom, Dad and my sister
would look at me like they wanted to strangle me for getting them up so early,
but I didn’t really notice. I was in a bubble of pure joy.
As an adult, I have
spent Christmas many different ways. I’ve been away at college, struggling to
pay the bills let alone buy gifts, and at times not able to get home due to the
weather. I spent nearly twelve years over a thousand miles away from family while
I resided in Florida. My first year there, I hardly knew anyone and spent it
with a few new friends. That became the norm – we called it the Orphan
Christmas. So many people in Florida are away from family, so our orphan
dinners grew into larger and larger events, usually outside in the sunshine.
Though less than traditional, they were always full of laughter, games and
plenty of egg nog. In 2009, I spent it as a new Mrs. and had a Christmas full of firsts at a not-so-young age.
In 2013, shortly after my
husband Ken and I moved into our dream house, our “forever home” in Missouri, I spent the holiday season reflecting on
his sudden death that July. That was the year the meaning of life really hit me
– like a wrecking ball. I remember crying and thinking, ‘it’s all so final. He’s just GONE.’ I was heartbroken that he couldn’t
see the beautiful decorations or walk with me through the streets of downtown historical
St. Charles in the light snow; that he wouldn’t witness the serenity and joy of
the season. I remember an exaggerated feeling of being present in each moment,
as if I were trying to absorb it for both of us. With every fiber of my being,
I breathed in the fresh, cool air and played in the first snowfall with our
dog, Barney. I listened and absorbed the words of songs and cried while
watching a Charlie Brown Christmas (his favorite).
Then, a few weeks before
Christmas, there was a distinct moment when peace washed over me, sitting by
the fireplace, watching the sky turn from periwinkle to navy as night fell. I
felt his spirit near me and my heart open with hope. Where there was once a
big, black empty hole, there was now a blank blackboard with which to draw my
future. I missed him but felt I could move forward with his blessing, and allow
the grieving process to unfold along the way (still unfolding…it never truly
ends, it evolves). It dawned on me that each and every moment of being alive is
the biggest gift of all, and genuine gratitude for my blessed life filled my
soul.
This year, I find myself
overwhelmed with appreciation for the love of a wonderful man, Allan, who makes
me laugh every day and feel cherished; for my improving health, for getting writing
work just when I need it most, and for living in a place that makes no sense to
anybody but me – a fly over state that is beautiful and full of genuine, caring
people, and friends and family who share their love openly, wrapping me in a
blanket of warmth.
I know everyone has
struggles that vary greatly, but despite the challenges of health or financial
issues, the commercialism of the season and the stress, the money involved, the
long-ago hurt, sadness or disappointment, there can be joy and peace at Christmas time. Look for it in the quiet of
the midnight hour or first thing in the morning over coffee, and even if it’s fleeting,
give thanks for being able to be here and bear witness. Studies show our
thoughts control our actions, our moods and our overall health.
To quote an excerpt from
the book, The Healing Code, by Dr.
Alexander Lloyd and Dr. Ben Johnson, “A 911 signal from your hypothalamus [in
your brain] is what puts your cells into stress mode; it’s what shifts your
blood flow away from your internal organs, your higher intellectual functioning,
and your immune system.” The book further explains that if you stop sending
negative signals to your brain, you use your body’s own positive energy frequencies
to overcome the negative frequencies and stop the destruction. “Like turning on
a light in a dark room. The light always overcomes the darkness.” Concentrating
on just one thing that we’re grateful for daily can change negative emotions on
a cellular level, and the spiritual lift is immediate. Saying thank you out
loud to the universe, God or your deity brings a truth to it that will change
your thought pattern. Once you try it, you’ll notice that you’ll say thank you
for more than one thing…it becomes a list and WOW! Life gets put in perspective
very quickly.
My wish is for you to
find peace, even for a few moments each day, and reflect on the joy of the Christmas
season. Merry Christmas.
Silent
night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright….
