I sit in my office this morning, looking out over the most scenic back yard I could've ever imagined I'd have...green, rolling hills, morning sun touching the tops of trees as old as me, shining golden against a silvery blue sky. There is a misty peace that hangs like a deep breath.



This is my time of day -- I've always been a morning person. The serenity envelopes me like no other time of day. This is when I process, when I do my best work, when I'm fresh and positive, thoughtful, grateful.



From the moment I open my eyes, thoughts of Ken run through my mind like a movie. Memories play out as if I've recorded them and I keep hitting rewind and pause. It's amazing the details I remember looking back over the years. The tough times are minimized, as our laughter and love take center stage.



When I look at my favorite swirled blue vase in the bathroom, I remember my surprise trip to Knoxville to see him for his 40th birthday. There was an art fair downtown where he had a condo, and he bought that vase for me. The entire trip plays out in snippets of what was most meaningful.


Then my mind goes to how lucky I was to have a man who sincerely liked to shop and meander. I review the many times we explored different shopping areas in every town we visited, he was always on the search for a piece of unique jewelry or shoes for me. He loved to buy me pretty things -- whenever he came to town that first year, he would buy me a pair of sandals at the Don Cesar shoe boutique. I still have every pair (20? 30? I'll have to count) and to this day, I get compliments on them, they are the most unique designs. I will keep them forever, they come with special memories of those weekends at the beach and his proud smile.



I am finding out how much we shared -- everyday little things. I want to call him and tell him how the autumn light is changing the look inside our new home as the day progresses. Believe it or not, he appreciated those details as much as I did. We couldn't wait until the deck was shaded during the day -- it's comfortable now by about 1:30 in the afternoon. I can't believe he won't be here to watch the 10 acres of woods beyond our yard in all it's brilliance as the leaves turn. I'm certain it will be an ever changing kaleidoscope. I now realize, life IS richer when shared with the person you love the most. I used to thrive on having my own life -- until I was loved so deeply by a person who appreciated my way of being in the world.  He gave me that ultimate gift -- to be open to sharing life. That's what it's all about.