How quickly my life changes...
I sold my house in Missouri yesterday. Three weeks. Can't believe my luck! As much as I wanted it to sell fast, I haven't gotten to truly settle in here in Florida yet. Though I suppose I'm not going to be settled without some of my "stuff" around. It has been hard living out of two states -- my neighbor and good friend has been a life saver mailing me things each week.
My emotions are swirling like a tornado, and I'm doing everything in my power to breathe deep and keep the enormity of what I have to do in perspective. I head back to MO to start the moving process Sunday. The daunting part is sorting, pitching and packing the details of the life I've had for so many years. I'm cleaning house -- selling most everything, starting over.
Getting rid of Ken's things -- ouch. I realized a while back that the stack of diplomas and certifications that he worked so hard to achieve get to go....where? a dumpster! Without kids to pass things on to, once we're gone, all our efforts and the things we're so proud of just go away. His favorite clothes, his photos from years of travel and his life before I met him -- who gets them? Some will go to charity, some will get sold, some will go to the landfill. I will, of course, keep OUR photos and memories, but I can't keep it all. So final.
It also makes me wonder why I keep moving, move after move, my school achievements and photos from when I was a kid, my old ballet slippers and boxing shorts, yearbooks...they may follow Ken's things this time!
I sit here tonight with warm, wonderful thunderstorms all around, and ponder the wild ride I have been on for years now. About four months ago, I told my friend, Kellene, "I'd like a BORING year of status quo. Nothing exciting, no surprises, no drama." Well, so much for that! She laughs and thinks that's not possible for me. I wouldn't know what to do -- she's probably right! I never could've dreamed the positive changes that have been bestowed upon me.
Through all of the ups and downs, THE biggest treasure has been the people in my life. The unconditional love I feel from so many -- old friends, new friends, family and now Allan, keeps me grounded and makes me feel blessed beyond reason. I can't quantify it, I can't explain how it moves me, but it is truly all that matters. When we are gone, what lives on? The memories and the love.
As I embark on the next phase of cleaning the slate of that which has become my life, I pray for stability and grace to not just get through it, but to feel it and release it like yoga breath. As I cut the final thread of the past ,I hope to weave it into the fabric of who I have become, continue to grow from my experiences, and embrace each new moment with dignity and gratitude. I am so blessed.
"Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging."Joseph Campbell
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