Socializing

I've been thinking about writing all day (another glorious autumn day) but just haven't been sure what to say. I feel a lot of pent up emotion, but sometimes I'm tired of talking about it, thinking about it, feeling the weight of missing my best friend. I have had a pretty good week with less tears, but I think it catches up to me.

I tried "getting out" last night, meeting new people, but it just made me feel more lonely for Ken than ever. I went to a breast cancer event at my local spa, thinking it would be a fun mix of women and it would be nice to be in that atmosphere...there were about 8 ladies there, all about 60. Ugh! Then I had the opposite experience at the next place...

My landscaper and his wife had a Cardinals party for the big game. He invited me over and though it was a stretch to go where I knew only one person -- him -- I made myself drive that direction. I know personal growth happens when we leap out of our comfort zone and I was leaping, big time. I got there and after a few introductions, realized, once again -- fish out of water. They were all very kind, but it was mostly couples about 30 years old (and their parents) with infants. Apparently, when they moved onto the street five years ago, there were 2 kids, now there are 34. WOW! Something in the water in that neighborhood.  But, you can see where I just wouldn't feel a connection. I stayed long enough to be polite and headed home to my comfort zone.

I went to bed with a heavy heart, realizing ONCE AGAIN, life is meant to be shared with a special someone and how much I miss mine. I dreamt of him all night and had a vivid dream about us traveling, seeing bears and monkeys that looked like owls (dreams!), right before I woke up, which just makes my sadness worse. I had crusty eyes which indicates I had been crying during the night again. I just want him to come back to me. I'm certain if he knew he was going to die, he would've gone to the ER.

On a lighter note, my bionic dad did well at the dentist and is back to being his busy self. For this, I am grateful.  And -- my resident turkeys seem to know when I need to smile (and wipe the tears away). Here they come, eleven of them, trotting their fluffy butts out of the woods. A couple of them just plopped down...for a nap? I never knew turkeys laid around in the grass until I moved to this house. They remind me daily of the gift of nature and how it takes care of itself while taking care of us in so many different ways. They are my comic relief and reinforcement that life goes on...I will post a photo of them next time.

Thanks for reading...