Let the Bells Ring

Wow! December 4th already. I can't believe it's been a month since I've written. So much has happened in that time. The third week of November was an understated week of lows and more lows. Ken had purchased VIP tickets for us to see Justin Timberlake as an anniversary event. We would've gone to the concert on the 19th, and celebrated four short years of marriage on the 21st. That's one reason I couldn't write -- it would've been very depressing to read.

My wonderful, loving, longest-known friend, Molly, came to keep me company for our anniversary weekend. I picked her up at the airport Thursday afternoon and she saved me from a long, teary few days. We haven't spent that much uninterrupted quality time together in....well, maybe ever. I learned new things about her, we laughed 'til we cried, we had an HGTV marathon (such a chick thing to do)and we shared gut wrenching memories of the horror of finding our loved ones deceased. It was deeply therapeutic and our bond grew even stronger . What an enormous gift to have a friend like her -- I am truly blessed.

Then came Thanksgiving. Ugh. I packed up Barney and drove six hours to Ken's parent's in Tennessee. The drive was sunny and pleasant, the river of memories flowed. The last time we were there was last Christmas. We stopped on December 15th on our way to St. Charles, Missouri, to spend the night and leave Barn with grandpa and grandma until we went back for Christmas. We rented a Suburban to "move" me and Barney into the apartment with Ken so we could start our new life together and not waste anymore time apart. I am so grateful we embarked on that journey. Had we waited until the Florida house sold (the original plan) I would've only had two weeks with Ken before he died. Proof to me once again that God guides us if we are listening.

Thanksgiving was fun but I found myself wanting to be home, staying in my familiar routine. I'm sure that's normal -- it's my safe place and where I feel peace. Though I enjoyed time with each family member, at times my mind would ponder the question of where do I fit in now? They're family by marriage and they feel like family, but without Ken, what happens later?

This week has been a whirlwind of catching up and decorating for Christmas. Contrary to what one would believe, the joy of the season is lifting my heart and reminding me daily of our shared love for the holidays. Bring on the snow (supposed to get 4 inches starting tomorrow) and let the bells ring.

God Bless!